Fake News

Fake News

Of course house guest is a f**king imposition

A HOUSEGUEST who sweetly said she did not want to impose should have thought of that before arriving at a friend’s home for a whole weekend.

We ask you: who can we get rid of by making them Britain’s ambassador to the US?

THE UK’s embassy in Washington has a vacant slot and there are plenty of Britons we could do without. Who are you nominating?

Petrol still most reasonably-priced thing at service stations

DESPITE rising petrol prices it remains the only item at motorway service stations an average family can reasonably afford.

Man holds whichever opinion is most likely to get him laid

A MAN’S values and worldviews lean towards whichever ones stand the best chance of resulting in sex, it has emerged.

This is ideal gilet weather, says gilet wearer

A HABITUAL wearer of gilets has informed all his colleagues that the early autumn chill is the ideal season for the wearing of a gilet.

Seven reasons Trump is the last person you need commenting on a shooting

THE politically-motivated killing of a controversial figure requires careful handling. Unfortunately Trump is president. Here are the woefully inappropriate ways he’ll react.

Mandelson spending fortnight at Kim Jong Un’s to destress

Man maintains eye contact throughout sex

A MAN has decided sex will be more pleasurable and meaningful if he stares into his partner's eyes throughout it.

Mandelson checks diabolical cycle to see when he’ll rise again

LORD Mandelson has prepared his coffin, checked the ancient Cyclus Diabolicus, set an alarm and settled down for when he is next needed.

Six pathetic British right-wingers trying to make this all about them

A CHAMPION of guns has been shot dead by a gun in the land of guns, and 4,000 miles away these British right-wing figureheads are making it all about them.

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